Rebuilding your belief system is tireless work but it is gratifying work. You are getting to know the different versions of yourself that you may have put aside for various reasons. Understanding that you have to first forgive yourself for accepting that version that compromised on the principles that have guided you to being more well-rounded in the hopes that someone would be able to add more to your values.
There is a part of shame that silences your concerns and ability to say no, to the point that you are willing to accept someone else’s unfounded perceptions of you. The ability to hold true to words that have never defined you is one of the toughest parts of the process because we are unlearning the ability to internalise those perceptions as reflections of who we may possibly be. There might be some truth to it but to what extent.
You begin to realise that in the pursuit of changing your habits and adapting your understandings you lose versions that have influenced your growth journey. That may be the part of the problem in using the past to better define your present. Whether is it through finding a church community, going to see a psychologist or guidance from someone that has been an observer of your life, reassurance comes in many different forms and we should be willing to be affirmed regardless of how we have been told that we are not worthy.
It is about knowing that you are loved even with your imperfections and understanding that relationships should be reflections of our future through empathetic words and actions of our present moment. Know that you are loved through faith, hurt and peace of mind. The mend is continuous and consistently changing, but it remains a pivotal part of your growth.
