It has been close to a month since I made the pivot, a decision that was a result of redefining what some may call my ‘purpose’. The oxford definition of the word purpose is: The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
For me that is not a complete definition for what the word is supposed to encompass, purpose is supposed to sound like it gives purpose, it carries a sense of purpose or at least gives you a glimmer of what is means to have purpose. A point of frustration that has led me to this point is how we use the word purpose for someone who has a defined understanding of where their gifts lie or where they have decided to focus their efforts. Another being how a (Wo)man with purpose attracts someone who understands and supports that purpose. It is their north star.
Personally as someone who has managed to travel from South Africa to 10+ different countries, live in 3 different countries in a span of 7+ years and closer to 30 than they are to 25 I can honestly say I am yet to find a peer that has found their purpose. People have found where their gifts lie and how to use that to find an aspect they are fulfilled in, but I’m still not convinced that it gives you a sense of purpose or makes you worthy of being loved or considered. I guess it could be a matter of how people decide to use a word to define what you are supposed to be but not necessarily where you are.
As someone who is driven by curiosity it can be difficult to be defined by one particular thing and say that has given me a sense of purpose. All throughout my high school and university careers I was always driven by this sense of possible loss of not having my parents/family around for those pivotal moments but that came to pass once I graduated.
I stopped finding motivation in doing something for someone else and started asking myself what kind of life would I envision for myself, if I was all that I had. Faith, the reestablishment of my faith has placed me in a moment where I believe that I have the capacity to share moments, experiences and feelings with someone or people even when I am not complete.
So who actually defines purpose, we do. Those that find it difficult to wake up on some gloomy days because your head and your heart are tired that is purpose, those that walk away from failing relationships to reaffirm their essence that is purpose. When you are standing at the cliff of everything that you have ever wanted and you begin to crumble that is purpose, it is not a destination nor is it a direction but it is a moment in time when you can be yourself without feeling like you are being defined by societal standards of what or where you should be.
Take time, as much as you need to, and remember that it is just a word that could never describe the kind of love you have to offer or the level of ambition you could ever carry, because if we can never validate ourselves who ever will.
